Sunday, September 23, 2012

Me and my shadow

I love it when Genevieve and I match. I think it's partly because she looks so much like Andrew and my mom, it's nice to have our outfits say, "Hey, we're together!" (It also cuts down on people asking if she is mine.)

It's one thing to spend all of our time together; it's entirely another thing to do it in style.

Matching sweaters!
Wearing our matching Mondo Cable Cardigans at the wool auction
We may have bought an outfit for Genevieve *because* I have a dress just like it. (Also, my mom has a serious Thing for polka dots.)

Polka dots are the new black, you know.
Genevieve is getting older, and Andrew and I were talking about Stitches, and the possibility of my taking classes this year. She'll be more than a year old by then, and Andrew is nothing if not supportive.

"We need to practice having you away from her," he pointed out, logically. "Now that she's not exclusively breastfeeding, we can do that."

To that end, on Saturday, once she had been nursed and put down for her afternoon nap, Mom and I made plans to go to our knitting group. I took the extra ten minutes to put on makeup, high heels, and my good pearls. I carried a tiny, cute purse. Despite the superficial things that normally make me feel fab-U-lous, I felt sick to my stomach.

I can honestly say that leaving Genevieve at home with her incredibly capable, loving, and involved father was one of the most painful things I have done (to date) as her mother.

I stood on the stoop next to mom, holding my keys. I considered skipping going to knitting altogether and just sitting on the stoop- just in case she needed me. Instead, I pulled myself together, took a giant step for Momkind, and went to knitting at Laura's.

I took a lot of deep breaths, talked through my anxiety and guilt (oh, the guilt!) with Mom. I watched my cell phone like a hawk the whole time, so that I could be in the car and home in 10 minutes if I was needed.

I didn't cry, even if I did tear up a few times because OHMIGOD, I'm a terrible mother for leaving my baby to go have fun with my friends. (See?! THE GUILT.)

My phone didn't ring, chirp, or buzz the whole two-and-a-half hours I was there. When I got home, everyone was as cheerful as could be, and Genevieve was SO happy to see me. The feeling was mutual as I swept her up in my arms and gave her the kiss attack of her life.

Sharing the teething bling
They did *just* fine without me. It turns out, it was only tough for me. This "growing up" thing is hard to do. Especially when it's your baby doing it.


  1. Imagine having to leave her at 9 weeks old for a whole 8 hours!! Talk about a tough time! It gets easier but remember it's good for both of you for you to get out once in a while. And it's VERY good for daddy to be in charge without you. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for him! Daddy learns how to take care of her and gets quality time with her. Glad you held it together. Love the matching! I still need to knit carmen some matching things. :)

  2. You were very brave, and looked FAAAAABULOUS indeed, dahling. It didn't eve show on the outside. One small step for mummy, one giant leap for Stitches in February!

  3. Every stage has its growing pains and leaving your baby for the first time is definitely one of the hardest. But look at you! You did it and boy those two looked happy (not that they didn't miss you). ; )

  4. You seem to have handled it like a champ! My first day back to work was FULL of tears, but it really does get easier.

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  6. They're so cute! You have such a good family.

  7. I feel your pain. It will get easier in about 8-10 years, no exaggeration. Thanks for the great post!

  8. Congrats on taking this huge step. Even though it is hard taking time for just you makes you a better mommy.

  9. You took a big step and made it! The one that benefitted the most, IMO, is your husband! You gave him the assurance that he is capable of take care of your daughter. Priceless. :)
    From: Thorsgirl

  10. I love how her pink shrug picks up the pink in your hair!

  11. Just wait until she boards the school bus on her way to kindergarten and joyfully boards saying, "Bye Mommy, see you later." Talk about Mom guilt. Why didn't she miss me? What did I do that made her so happy to leave the nest for school? Oh well, my baby is now the school teacher and I get to watch the grands board the bus.

    That Dangermouse of yours is a cutie and her dad isn't bad looking either. You're a lucky woman with all the caring generations in your family.

  12. She is a cutie pie.For every mom it is difficult to leave their at home and go for work but still we have to do it.

  13. She gets cuter every time you post about her!


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