Friday, July 28, 2006

Family Heirlooms

Most families pass on "stuff", like family silver to their kids. Or mental illness. Whatever.

My mother jokes that I am going to inherit/have inherited her Badonkadonk [backside], which I have, to a certain extent. She also jokes that I will inherit her Schnaz (not to be confused with Schnauzer).

[However, if we were going to do a nose comparison, using Schnauzers to represent size mine would be this [Miniature Schnauzer]:

Mom's would be this [Giant Schnauzer]:

And for a side-by-side comparison [not to scale, unfortunately]:
Mine: Mom's:

Just so we're clear.]

I have also inherited my mother's inability to drink from an adult cup/glass/mug, requiring me to drink from a sippy cup. This inability (or what I like to refer to as my "drinking problem" a la Airplane) always flares up on important days.

Example 1:

Jasmin is running a meeting. Readers of my blog all know I am a complete fraud and do not deserve the tremendous amount of praise and respect I get at work, where they find me exceeding expectations.

[Seriously. I look at myself and worry every day that they will realize that I'm faking it and will have the contents of my office waiting in a bankers box the same day that I find that my badge no longer works.]

Showing their complete confidence in me, they arrange a meeting, where I am in charge of teaching everyone how to use some software, where they have granted me the title of "Super-User".

Ten minutes before this meeting, I manage to pour hot chocolate (brown) down my shirt (pale pink). It now looks like my boob has leaked hot chocolate. Great.

Solution: wear a sweater, it's air conditioned and I am only a little too warm.

Example 2: [Thursday]

I am wearing a white raglan tank top (my "Astonishing" shirt, from Little Women) to wear to the department picnic.

An hour before it starts, I notice the dark brown dribble (same place as last time) on my very WHITE tank.. I try cleaning it off with soap and cold water. Now I have a SEE-THROUGH stained tank. I put on my jackety-thing until it dries.

Seriously. This is the legacy of the ages I am passing on to the future generations.

**photos courtesy of the AKC website

No comments:

Post a Comment

If you'd like me to respond, please make sure to put your email address in the field. :)