Mama's watchin' her stories

As I mentioned in the previous post, part of how I'm spending my time is watching TV. There are some pretty good shows on this season, along with some old favorites.

Most notably, Andrew and I have been watching Grimm, The Walking Dead, and American Horror Story together.

Grimm is new, and it has a distinctly Supernatural vibe to it, with a few major exceptions- namely, no hunky Winchesters. Don't get me wrong; David Giuntoli is cute enough, but he's no Jensen Ackles or Jared Padalecki.

It's more enjoyable if you're (vaguely) familiar with the Grimm fairy tales; less enjoyable if you speak any German. (Mom is frequently annoyed by the mangling of German on the show.)

Shortcomings include that *everyone* seems to know that the main character is a Grimm, who hunts all the fairy-tale bad guys- except that this one doesn't, really. It's been fun watching this show develop.

The Walking Dead is (now) filming the third season (I think), but the second season? Fantastic. So much character development! The writing is so good that they've completely changed my opinion on a number of characters. Just don't watch it at night if you're like me; I have the most horrific zombie nightmares if I watch this one too late at night. (But seriously, it's sooooo good.)

I'm a little torn on American Horror Story. It's dark. It's ultra-violent. They don't give away too much of the story too quickly. It's created by the same guys who created Glee. (Andrew didn't believe that last bit when I first told him, by the way.)

I'm not into the violence- particularly the prevalence of graphic violence against women (and feminized characters) on the show, but mostly, I'm really skeeved by the idea that the house *itself* is a creepy character. Not being safe in your own home is a great horror trope, but it makes you jump at small, benign noises after watching it.

We watch this show week after week, and I'm still not certain that I like it. I'm partly worried that it will take a LOST turn, and I'll feel cheated out of the time I've spent watching. Only time will tell.

Knit Knit Bang Bang

(Title brought to you with special thanks to KidBrother Sam for exposing me to that work of cinematic brilliance.)

Last Sunday, I managed to (a) live out a lifelong dream while (b) knitting in the most unusual locale I have yet to manage.

Not my shells. But you get the point.

I've always wanted to go to the gun range and learn to shoot. You see, in my imagination, when I think about what I want to be When I Grow Up, it's always a job that requires a gun. And a tango. Also, possibly costumes and some undercover work. FBI, CIA, CSI, that type of stuff. Let me re-iterate, there is always a tango.

Now when I say, "FBI, CIA, CSI, that type of stuff", I don't mean the *actual* FBI/CIA/CSI, because it's 99% paperwork and bureaucracy, no Tango-ing, and probably less than 1% running around, shooting at bad guys, and generally being sexy. And it's usually not the people who sit back and do the paperwork that get to run around and be awesome. What I'm looking for is the Criminal Minds, Chuck, Mr. & Mrs. Smith type of work. The kind that only seems to exist in the movies and on TV.

[Side note: Have you noted that even the Government Geeks have sexy jobs on TV?** It's all data gathering from mysterious sources that collect completely bizarre data. Yes, I'm looking at you, Numb3rs. I am suspicious of your incredibly convenient and never-ending sources of data. Your deductive reasoning is also questionable most of the time.]

So, KidBrother Sam and Bromantic Brandon invited me to join them at the shooting range. With the level of enthusiasm they had about taking me shooting for the first time, I half expected them to make me put a bright red lipstick "V" on my forehead.

I beat the guys to the range because I had driven separately, since I had obligations later in the day. I sat in my car and worked on my Daybreak, which is so brightly colored it can raise the dead. (That was one of the selling points from the dyer. This yarn comes with built-in necromancy!)

The guys eventually got there, we paid, and headed down to the range, where I was exposed to Range Culture.

There are lots of safety rules, and well there should be.  

Guns are loud, scary, and incredibly dangerous.

In my imagination, where I'm a sexy crimefighter (taller, too, for those who are curious), guns aren't a Big Deal. Bullets only hit Bad Guys, and if a Good Guy gets clipped, it's minimal and easily fixed with a few stitches, leaving you with a minimal scar and a great story. (No, I don't subscribe to the BBC mentality, where anyone is game. Yes, MI-5, I'm talking about you.)

In reality, I jumped like a rabbit every time someone fired a gun. The sound of the shot would resonate in my chest it was so loud. I changed my mind, quietly.


I'll think of a graceful way of ducking out, I thought. This is scaring the living daylights out of me. I am not a badass.

Then, Jasmin 2009, the Jasmin who grabs opportunity squarely by the shoulders and embraces new experiences shouted down Cowardly Jasmin.

No. I have ALWAYS wanted to do this, and now I'm finally getting the chance to, said Jasmin 2009. You're safe, you're with people who will make sure you're doing it correctly, and you're wearing appropriate shoes. Buck up and take your turn.

We had to wait for a Cease Fire, which is part of Range Culture, before we could start, so out came my knitting, and I cheerfully sat down and settled my nerves by putting a row or two on my Daybreak shawl. There were about 300 people there; of those 300, 3 were women, and only one of us was knitting. I have never gotten such strange looks in my whole life.

I have learned that with guns and gun ranges, it's an optimal arrangement for an alternative knitting opportunity. There is some shooting, some set up, and a lot of waiting. Only KidBrother Sam and Bromantic Brandon thought this was as funny as I did, once I pointed it out. My humor is deep like that.

The guys decided that I should go second, after Bromantic Brandon, since I had never fired a gun before. He helped me load the clip (for gun enthusiasts, I fired a Kimber Custom TLE II .45ACP M1911A1), walked me through how to stand, breathe, brace my wrists, and how to use the sight. I fired my rounds, and I'll be damned if they didn't all hit the target. Some in the center, even!

I finished my turn, and handed Bromantic Brandon the gun. I was shaking from the adrenaline, my chest ached from the kickback, and I felt sick to my stomach. I decided that I was probably not cut out for a job that requires the handling of firearms. I let the guys know that I appreciated being brought along, thank-you-for-inviting-me, and that I really needed to be going.

Bromantic Brandon headed back up the hill with me, and was thoughtfully making sure that I had a good time, and that I wasn't upset.

"Guns are loud," I told him, "And heavy. And I think it bit me."

He agreed on the first two statements, and suggested that next time I try a lighter gun. And you know what? If I am invited again, I just might. We'll see.

While I don't think I'll ever be an agent of any TLA agency, I still have my imagination, and I will have my tango.

**Shout-outs to sexy movie Government Geeks: Garcia from Criminal Minds, Untraceable, Abby Sciuto from NCIS, and let's not forget Adam Kaufman from 24. As Willow aptly pointed out, "It's the computer age. Nerds are in." (BtVS, Season 1, episode 12, "Prophecy Girl")

Beauty, love, and dual fuel

I have a weakness for beauty.

A well-made piece of clothing, a stylish shoe, a stunning skein of handpainted yarn. My wardrobe - and my stash - did not end up the size they are on accident. This goes doubly for food.

I'm sure you're not surprised- do a search on Flickr for food, and you'll find enough glamour shots of food to make the most moderate eaters feel like gluttons. Check a foodie blog and you'll be drooling and gaining weight just *looking* at all the goodies.

This last week, everything I bought at the farmer's market was beautiful. Slender asparagus, perfectly round and cheerfully colored turnips, and multicolored potatoes.

I know. The potato is a humble vegetable, and the object of much anathema, given the carb-negative feelings people have these days. I love me some carbs, so how could I resist a bag of these beauties:

Purple, red, gold

I didn't have an idea of what I would use them for, but I HAD to have them. The gal in the booth thought I had LOST MY MIND. They were perfect and tiny - fitting comfortably in the palm of my hand, and SO beautiful. This picture doesn't do them justice, but my enthusiasm wouldn't allow me to photograph them one second earlier.

Speaking of beauty, I should introduce you to the newest man appliance in my life, Richard Blaze. But first you need to know what happened with Luke.

For those of you who were Luke fans, here's what happened. Luke was ailing. His temperature sensor had gone, and his timer was going. It was time. We called our home warranty folks to see if he could be fixed, but he was so old.

They suggested we send Luke to go live on a farm. A farm where old ovens can live out their days burning food without fear of reprisal. It was really what was best, hard as it may have been.

So, at the suggestion of the contractor, we made a pilgrimage to Airport Appliance, and lo and behold, there was the range and oven I have been waiting for my whole life.

Readers, meet Richard Blaze.

It was love at first sight. We saw each other across a crowded room, and that was that. It was meant to be.

He is named for my favorite Top Chef, Richard Blais [WARNING, noisy site]. In fact, the finale is tonight, and I'm rooting for Richard.

Permit me to wax poetic for a moment. I LOVE when people are good sports on shows that are effectively creative competition. Richard (the namesake) is affectionately referred to as "The Professor" or "Professor Blais" in the Top Chef kitchen, mostly because he's willing to help out his competitors when they need it. This means that everyone is competing at the top of their game, and that's more interesting for everyone.

He's totally brilliant, his dishes are inspired, and he is completely adorable. AND! He's going to have his own show on the Science Channel, Blais Off, which is the answer to the trainwreck that is Marcel's Quantum Kitchen. (Time for the tinfoil hat- I was complaining that Blais should be doing a show on molecular gastronomy, not Marcel.)

But back to *my* Blaze. He's a dual-fuel range and oven, and I love him. We have spent a lot of time getting to know one another. I read his manual and he delivers on all his promises, Itellyouwhut.

And see that drawer on the bottom? It's a BAKING DRAWER. I can bake one tray of cookies or biscuits without heating the whole big oven!!! And convection baking! I can't tell you how cool it is to bake three sheets of cookies or cupcakes at once. (The neighbors can vouch for it's coolness, since I've been sharing the cookie and cupcake love.)

Now, for the next frontier in earning my kitchen savvy merit badge: molecular gastronomy!

Where have all the knitters gone?

Let's talk about the zombie apocalypse.

I've been on a zombie flick kick for a while (starting with Zombieland, which was surprisingly good), and I've noticed a distinct lack of people with any actual skills. No architects, no engineers, no farmers or ranchers, but most noticeably? No knitters, tailors, or seamstresses. Not even a couturier can be found. (Admittedly, they are rarer in real life anyway, but still.)

First, let's talk about what I've been watching. I got a double-dose of zombie apocalypse yesterday- the TiVo picked up Land of the Dead which featured my favorite man in a vest, Simon Baker, and John Leguizamo (who I apparently only like in drag). They go a little off-script with the interpretation of zombie mythos- mainly that the zombies are sentient, communicate, and have a leader. (I can just hear the trailers, "One zombie to lead them all...")

The people are all loathsome, the rich have somehow maintained their lifestyle in a gated-type community, the working stiffs fight the zombies, and everyone works for The Man. I briefly thought that this was a movie where people work together to survive. It turns out, it's about the triumph of the zombie spirit, since at the end, we find out that the zombies *only* want a place where they, too, can be safe. And kittens. They want kittens.

We could say that Land of the Dead is dated- since it came out in 2005. AMC has started a series called The Walking Dead, which is utterly captivating. It features Andrew Lincoln (who you might recognize from Love Actually or Teachers), and shows the best and worst of what is left of humanity in the United States. The exposition has been artfully crafted, the characters are being slowly developed, and the zombies seem to be sticking to the classic zombie mythos. (I hate it when they go off-book. Fast zombies, my foot.)

I won't spoil the show for anyone (because if you haven't seen it, you should give it a shot), but we're finally getting to see day-to-day life for the survivors. There is hunting, and people do laundry, but nobody is knitting. Or sewing. Or mending. We finished watching the episode, and it really, really bothered me that given a fixed amount of pre-prepared resources, nobody is thinking ahead.

Let's face it; clothes wear out. Even *if* the cities are full of abandoned department stores, they are also full of zombies. In the best of times, it's hard to find something in your size. Nevermind a store that's been looted. Plus, the gal at the dressing room is probably a zombie. We know from The Matrix that all the future holds for us is sweaters that are full of holes, since "progress" equals never learning how to mend your sweaters. I don't discriminate, apocalypse-wise. I saw 2012, too, and there was (again) a lack of people with actually useful skills. (But LOTS of nasty, movie stereotypes of rich people.)

As an aside, should any apocalypse come, I would rather have my knitting group in my camp than an army of MBAs and entrepreneurs. Or scrapbookers.

Andrew pointed out that the survivors (on The Walking Dead) haven't yet figured out that their clothes will wear out, which I countered with the fact that making clothes? Takes time. Especially if they don't have access to commercial fabric, power, or yarn. When you start from scratch, this stuff takes time. You have limited light, and have to be mindful of repetitive stress. (Though, I pointed out to Andrew that my Victoria was the best wheel for an apocalypse, since it's small and light.)

Plus, while the department stores might get looted, chances are good that you can find an LYS that is (mostly) intact.

So, to summarize, come the zombie apocalypse, come find me. We'll be the warm and well-dressed camp. And as my BFF points out weekly, everyone else will just be food.

(Thanks to my BFF, Miss Kalendar, for the inspiration for this post. Go listen to her podcast, Brass Needles. It's knitting, sci-fi, and brilliant.)

Supernatural

This last year, we discovered "Supernatural". I know it's been on TV for a few years now, but I thought it looked cheesy and thought that the premise (from the teasers) was thin. When a friend of mine (the same one who recommended Buffy, Coupling, and a number of other great shows) turned out to be a fan, I gave it a shot.

I was pleasantly surprised at how fantastic this show is. The writing is smart, the dialog is funny and sharp, and the characters are nicely developed over the course of the program. It's Buffy meets The Dukes of Hazzard with a little of The Odd Couple thrown in for good measure. I really like their take on the various mythos and urband legends,and the two protagonists are so handsome that they ought to be required to carry a permit for their potentially lethal good looks. Google them at your own peril.

The basic premise is that there are two brothers who go around hunting the things that go bump in the night, and their relationship feels a bit Kirk/Spock-ish. In a good way. It's about friendship, general badass-ery, but most importantly, it's about the good and the bad when it comes to family. (It also has an *incredible* soundtrack, full of classic rock.) Every episode is "a good one!", and the best part of the whole thing is that they don't take themselves - or anyone else - too seriously.

Anyway, to bring this back to the point of the story (which is always knitting), we attended the Sock Summit before I got really into the show, and I bought some sock yarn. (Gasp!)

The gal from Damselfly Yarns was a die-hard Supernatural fan, and dyed this colorway which was inspired by the demon cloud at the beginning of Season 2:

It might have been the combination of the color and the silver threads that are spun into this yarn, but I had to have it. Magpie, much?

In any case, Astrid was enthusiastically telling me about the source of her inspiration, and I couldn't share her excitement about perfectly capturing the color- because I hadn't seen it yet! I was inspired to cast these on when I saw the demon cloud fill the sky at the beginning of the season, and I thought, "I have yarn that looks *just* like that!" (Well done, Astrid!)

I paused the DVD, scampered back to my office and grabbed the skein so I could have a themed knitting project to go with the entertainment. (And for the record, I plan to spin "One" while I watch "A Chorus Line". And do a kickline at my wheel.)

I've been slowly plugging away at these socks, using them as my carryalong project. Season 5 is coming out on DVD next week and if I don't finish the socks before then, I'm seeing some ab-filled knitting time in my future.

There are certainly worse things in life.

Tour de Fleece 2010: Day 4

Today's spinning looks like yesterday's, except that the bag is S-L-O-W-L-Y getting emptier as tiny blue bumps are being replaced by even tinier plastic weaving bobbins that are full of blue singles. I spun a little over 1 oz today, which keeps me delightfully ahead of schedule.

Given that athletes need good nutrition, so I made my favorite Texas Beef Chili. The recipe comes from a Williams Sonoma cookbook that I picked up at the Recycle Bookstore in Campbell, my favorite place to buy used cookbooks. It's delicious, and has taught me a few things in the kitchen.

Today alone I have learned useful things like:

- Cubing frozen meat is easier than trying to thaw it out, then cube it.
- Meat sears better when I'm multitasking; if I'm not multitasking, I'm only making the meat dizzy by pushing it around the pan. (Mom pointed this out.)
- No matter what, I'm going to get spattered. Even if I'm not cooking.
- Mise en place. Do it; it makes your kitchen run like a well-olive-oiled machine.
- Even if you're a tidy chef, if you've mopped the floor today, you are going to drop more on the floor today than you have in the last year. (We'll call this Jasmin's Law.)
- No matter how good your dish is, if your dessert isn't just as good, you may as well have served generic dog kibble.

On that note, I have learned that a beautiful dessert is something we all can enjoy, and that watching Top Chef, Ace of Cakes, and Cupcake Wars results in this type of dessert and presentation:

Mango Split, by me: (Serves 2)

1 fresh mango
4 scoops vanilla ice cream (my favorite is the Low-Fat Treat Vanilla)
1 basket fresh raspberries
Handful of fresh strawberries
Mint for garnish (not photographed)

Halve the mango along the pit. Porcupine it carefully, making sure not to puncture the skin. Shave the porcupine; waste not, want not, give that porcupine the Brazilian treatment! Slice the strawberries thinly. Put 2 scoops of ice cream in each empty half of the mango skin, generously dress the ice cream in mango cubes, raspberries, and garnish with sliced strawberries and a mint leaf.

Enjoy!

Tour de Fleece 2010: Day 3

That's right, teammates! It's Day 3 of the Tour de Fleece and I am making *tracks* on my goal of spinning up 16 oz of Susan's Spinning Bunny BFL (in "Jeans") and 8 oz of Lorna's Laces mystery roving (same color name, I think) to be plied together and cast on to be a Garter Yoke Cardigan *before* July 25th.

Ambitious? Perhaps. But what fun is it to set a goal that is *easily* achieved? For me, if it's not a real challenge, it's just not fun. Fortunately, the launch of the Tour de Fleece lined up with a long weekend, giving me the chance to earn my Yellow Jersey for Team Sasquatch.

While we were working out breakfast on Sunday, Andrew and I were listening to "Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!", and it turns out that the 35th anniversary of JAWS was a couple of weeks ago. (They also did a game where the caller had to pick the real movie out of a list of titles, which I aced and was incredibly proud of. Andrew, on the other hand, sighed with what *sounded* like disappointment at the fact that I've seen every bad creature feature involving sharks, dinosaurs, snakes and combinations of all three.)

While I do have a special place in my heart for sharks and all things JAWS (along with a funny childhood story, which I'll tell later), I thought the Tour de Fleece would be a *great* time for a JAWS marathon- especially since all of the movies were available on Netflix Instant Watch.

I called BFF Erin and she was up for it, and we spun, and watched JAWS, and spun, and watched JAWS 2, and spun, and watched JAWS 3, and spun and watched JAWS: The Revenge. By the end of Day 3, I ended up with 8 ounces of my wool spun:

Did you hear something?

OH NO, BEHIND YOU!!!!

Ahem, sorry. Habit.

Watching JAWS really took me back in time- and I was surprised at how graphic some of the scenes are on a large, HD television. (For your reference, my first JAWS experience was on a TV screen that is smaller than my 15" laptop.) I also found the clothes and hair endlessly entertaining, and the fact that from movie to movie there was *no* plot continuity for the characters.

This doesn't surprise me, since Peter Benchley only wrote JAWS (which is a phenomenal read, by the way) and they treated the characters the same way the writers of First Knight treated the whole King Arthur legend in their "adaptation". (FYI, in the JAWS 2 through The Revenge novels, the shark is a self-aware character who *really is* hunting the Brody clan. Yes, I read them; No, you don't need to.) They even say, during the credits of one of the films that the characters are only loosely based on Benchley's.

However, I didn't let a little thing like character inconsistency or the shark in JAWS: The Revenge GROWLING when it got shocked get in the way of my intense enjoyment. Instead, I spun away and asked questions like "If the shark bites through an electrical main line, and it sinks into the water, how long would it take before folks could get in the water?" and "How far would the water be charged?" and finally, "Where is a physicist when I need one?!"

What I thought was most interesting is that JAWS hasn't been remade. They've remade many of the classics, and I am genuinely surprised that JAWS hasn't yet. So, from our couch, we re-cast JAWS. For your enjoyment:

JAWS 2010 (directed by Yours Truly):

Chief Brody: Patrick Wilson
Matt Hooper: Ryan Reynolds
Quint: Hugh Laurie

This casting (which Andrew asserted was all about the abs), led to a few sillier casting decisions:

JAWS 2010, a la Star Trek (directed by Yours Truly):
Chief Brody: Chris Pine
Matt Hooper: Zachary Quinto
Quint: Bruce Greenwood

JAWS 2010, a la Supernatural (directed by Yours Truly):
Chief Brody: Jensen Ackles
Matt Hooper: Jared Padalecki
Quint: Jim Beaver

...and finally, JAWS 2010, a la Muppets (directed by Yours Truly):
Chief Brody: Kermit the Frog
Matt Hooper: Gonzo the Great
Quint: Rowlf the Dog

(Andrew wanted to cast Animal as Quint, which I declared was stupid, and then *may* have said, "Andrew, I am trying to cast this seriously", to which everyone dissolved into hysterical laughter. Also, wouldn't a muppet shark be ADORABLE?)

Bon chance, teammates. Remember, it is clearly *never* safe to go back in the water...

Sleeves. Check!

First, I'm glad to hear that I'm not alone about how I feel about seed stitch. (Except for you, Emy, but I'm pretty sure you're a Cylon.) Last night, Mom and I went to Wednesday night knitting, and I worked and worked and worked on the sleeves.

I knew I was pretty close to finishing them when we left, and when I got home and Andrew fired up the newest episode of Heroes, I was ONE ROW away from the bind-off. So, in the spirit of Jasmin 2010, I finished the sleeves. (By the way, I said from the start that Sylar only needed someone to love him. I didn't need any tattoo-powers to know that, duh.)

What got me through finishing the sleeves, other than being so close, was the newest, most effective carrot I found to dangle in front of myself- cashmere. I found some worsted weight cashmere that I bought last year(?) in cowl quantities- one in light grey, one in Mom's Red. The scrunchable cowl is calling my name for the red, and I told myself that when I finished the sleeves (while Mom was lining the pieces), I could start a new cowl.

Alas, I have two sweaters of my own, which are finished, minus some sleeve and collar action. So, instead of winding up my cashmere, I'm finishing a sleeve and a collar today. I'm not committing myself to sticking to this finish-two-start-one thing, but it's not a bad way to start the year.

Speaking of men in vests...

I'm going to harken back to the late '90s, and remind you that there was a man so bold as to wear a vest on network television. A man SO bold as to wear a vest, on television, shirtless.

That man is none other than Kevin Sorbo. Go ahead, laugh; I do. Not many men can pull off the shirtless vest, but I assure you, Kevin Sorbo is in those ranks. I have been powering through Hercules: The Legendary Journeys via my favorite medium for cheesy, B-Movies: Netflix Instant Watch.

Maybe it's his epic chest. Maybe it's the tight pants. Perhaps it's the Microsoft Paint special effects equivalent. Maybe it's the Hasselhoffing (definition #6). Maybe it's the timeless quotability, including classic lines like, "Slavery is just WRONG" and "I'm not just a piece of meat". Sing it, Herc.

It could very well be the intense cheese factor; take Captain Hammer, stick him in a wheel of brie, bake him, sprinkle him with toasted almonds, and he still doesn't measure up to the cheese factor that is Kevin Sorbo as Hercules.

To be fair (and balanced!), I've also queued Xena: Warrior Princess. The icing on the Herculean cake *might* be the fact that Lucy Lawless was a random red-shirty-slave-girl in an early episode, becomes Xena, then dons the hyper-masculine Romulan shoulder accoutrement. (By the way, Lucy Lawless? Crazy long legs. I even liked her as a cylon.)

No apologies, no excuses, just, "Hey, Lucy Lawless is super-hot. Let's make her a superhero." That's exactly the kind of decision making I like to see in my entertainment. Forget about continuity, just cast all willy nilly, get drunk, and write dialogue.

Hm. Sounds kind of like my dream job. Think Christian Williams needs a hand?

What is it about a man in a vest?

While working on my Tour de Fleece projects, I've been working my way through a couple of new TV shows- including The Mentalist. I tripped across it by accident (and given my affinity for Psych, decided to give it a chance), and I have to say... wow.

Now, I'm not going to Clark Kent all over it because suspension of disbelief is part of the joy that is television. So, you're not going to get another attack of the implausible [noun] this time.

First- Simon Baker/Patrick Jane has the best Botox-ed forehead EVER. An un-paralyzed forehead has nothing on him- and even (shockingly) looks unnatural. Weird, right?

Second- he wears a VEST. Seriously. Evidently, vests aren't just for ushers and magicians anymore. He might be the only man on television who wears a vest, but I'll be damned if he doesn't rock it.

(Talking about underrated accessories- Mom pointed out that Gabrielle Anwar rocks a fanny pack on Burn Notice. Take that, you fanny pack haters!)

I'm sure the discussion that made that wardrobe decision went something like this:

Wardrobe Person #1: We want him to be different. Quirky.
Wardrobe Person #2: Maybe we should have him wear obnoxious ties, or a belt buckle, or mismatched socks!
Wardrobe Person #1: Nah, that's been done on Bones. And Criminal Minds.
Wardrobe Person #2: Hm. Since he works with law enforcement, maybe it should be a special tie.
Wardrobe Person #1: No way. They're California law enforcement. Nobody in California wears a tie to work.
Wardrobe Person #2: Flip flops?
Wardrobe Person #1: Flip flops aren't shoes. We need something that says, "Hey, I respect my work AND I'm unconventional."
Wardrobe Person #2: I know. A VEST. Nobody wears a vest anymore!
Wardrobe Person #1: GENIUS.

And so it was. The Vested Man.

My cup runneth over!

There is no TV event I look forward to more than the Tony Awards. I'm a giant geek, and while I completely understand that they aren't really representative of the whole New York theatre scene, it's a taste of fresh theater.

I love it. They also pick the HUNKIEST hosts, including my one and only Wolverine (Hugh Jackman), and this year, my first love (Neil Patrick Harris) will be hosting. Neil Patrick Handsome- I mean, Harris - is the origin of my affinity for spiky, "sticky-up" hair.

My six-year-old crush on him was the reason my parents let me stay up past my bedtime to watch Doogie Howser, Md. Though, in retrospect, I think it may have been my parents, telling me from an early age that marrying a doctor was all right with them. In any case, NPH has always held a special place in my heart, and now he's hosting the Tony's.

I have a morbid curiousity about "Shrek: The Musical", but my instincts warn me that where all the good books become mediocre movies, all good movies will become cheerful, sanitized, simplified musicals.

(Legally Blonde, anyone? Ok, short rant: they made Elle stupid in the play as a plot device to give Emmett the opportunity to tutor her, which COMPLETELY missed the spirit of the story. In case you weren't paying attention, the point is that she always WAS smart, just perceived to be otherwise.)

Where are the original thinkers? What's with all the revivals?

Ahem. But, I digress.

Neil has got some big shoes to fill - and you know what they say about guys who wear big shoes - and long legs to keep up with.

Stunning, long, keeping-up-with-the-Rockettes-in-a-kick-line legs.

Dear Joss

Dear Joss;

I would like to start this letter by saying, I am a fan. Buffy is a favorite of mine, Angel was a great spin-off, Firefly and Serenity were awesome, and Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog was inspired. When I heard the murmurs about "Dollhouse", I was excited at the prospect of a show that embodied the dry wit, creativity, and sympathetic characters that are your trademarks.

However, there are a few issues I would like to address with you about "Dollhouse". Before I do, I would like to applaud your commitment to recycling: I love that the Wolfram and Hart set is being repurposed for this show. That having been said, the first and most important point that I want to make is that you need to hire me, because clearly, there is nobody on your writing staff who could tell the difference between "exuberant" and "exorbitant". I do, and this makes me uniquely qualified, it would seem. Let me explain.

When one is discussing very high prices, while one can be exuberant while spending an exorbitant amount of money, an "exuberant price" just doesn't make sense. The OED is totally in agreement with me on this. To tell you that these sort of oversights are remarkably uncharacteristic of your work feels unnecessary. Clearly, this needed to be said.

Second, I understand that sex sells. However, the dance sequence in pilot where the lovely Ms. Dushku's crotch and butt hang out from the bottom of her dress is both tacky and perpetuates the corollary "Less clothing = More sexy", where the whole "Less is more" idiom really means "Less flesh = more sexy". (It's ok; idioms can be tricky to interpret!)

I know that Ms. Dushku has a lovely body, but the gratuitous nudity is a bit heavy-handed. (Especially that Dollhouse-themed Hulu commercial, where her breasts are bouncing so enthusiastically that they eclipse the content of her dialog. I actually heard myself squealing a "SERIOUSLY?!" that would put the Grey's Anatomy girls to shame.)

Third, and most important: you need to hire me- or ANYONE who isn't a sycophant for that matter - to tell you that this has been done, and better. "Dollhouse" is a cross between "Dark Angel" and "Alias" but with severe brain damage. I may have also described this program as a "steaming turd".

I'll be waiting for your call, and look forward to working with you in the future.

Best regards,

Jasmin

Foiled by my own hubris (or is that ooobreee?)

After announcing to Andrew that I absolutely, positively, WOULD NOT be sick during my time off work this year (because it's a miserable waste of paid vacation time), you guessed it. Hubris punched me in the face, metaphorically speaking.

I got sick. So, Monday, when I felt it the worst, I stayed in bed (or on the couch, in my case, because I can't sleep in bed when I'm sick). I drank fluids, I took cold meds, I slept like an Olympic champion. (The implication there is that if sleeping were an Olympic event, I would place gold.)

Tuesday, I felt MUCH better. I got up, had some breakfast, got dressed, picked up Andrew from his errand, and we stopped TWO places before I announced that I was tired, and would need a nap. (I know, when one is kicking a nasty virus in the ass, it is important to nap when you feel the need.) I also coughed up something EPIC while I was driving, to Andrew's great disgust.

[This is where I point out the necessity of the "in sickness and in health" bit of the wedding vows. Apparently, we needed a "you are disgusting" clause. Because, while I laughed uproariously over how gross it was, Andrew was literally almost sick to his stomach. Phlegm is not for the weak of stomach. I may have made jokes to that end effect. My bad.]

According to Andrew, I was out for two hours, sleeping through a couple of phone calls. This includes a call from Patient Zero, who concluded that I must have gotten it from her on Friday, along with some wicked awesome Christmas cheer. S'ok. What's a transmissible virus between friends, anyway?

I finally got Episode 32 live, after having it sit on the computer for two days, which made me feel good. Not physically, since I've been coughing so much it feels like my ribs have run a marathon. (To my knowledge, they have not, but if they have, I hope it was for a good cause.)

What have I learned from all this? I love 70's music. We've been watching Swingtown on the Roku box, and the soundtrack is AWESOME. I'm seeing a new CD in my future.

Tika has also beaten me (pre-flu-ey thing) into committing to a Jasmin 2009 theme. I'll be blogging about that soon.

For now, it's back to the couch with a cup of tea and contemplating my own bad taste in television.

It's been real

My darling friend;

I have treasured the time we've spent together. When you came into my life, I knew I had been changed, forever. I loved how you were thoughtful, and catered to my needs. In return, I would exclaim my love for you, and keep you in the style in which you have become accustomed.

As love sometimes does, after a couple of years, you stopped being as reliable and attentive to my needs. Occasionally you deliberately wouldn't do what you promised you would. That was when I knew it was over. I kept you around because, even unreliable as you have grown (and ugly as it sounds), you were better than nothing.

As you might know, we got our electrical work redone. I knew without the new electrical work, I would be beholden to you for what you do, but I don't need you anymore. Today, you have officially been replaced, so pack your things, and leave.

You see, TiVo, AT&T brought us a box that would always record what we want, when we want, and your people will no longer blame your planned obsolescence on a TiVo/cable box disagreement. You may be hurt by this abrupt end to, what really was, a beautiful relationship.

Maybe you should have considered that before you recorded the Home Shopping Network instead of the season premeire of Heroes. That's water under the bridge now, and we are unequivicably OVER.

I hope you are happy in your next life, as a reclaimed hard drive. We are all only the sum of our parts, so this will keep you in our memory (or, as our memory).

It's been real,

Jasmin

PS. Not to tout your shortcomings, but the U-Verse box can record FOUR CHANNELS simulaneously.

Heroes meets The Fly

I'm a huge Heroes fan. I think it's a great show, and I love that the first two seasons are available on Instant Watch on Netflix. I also love that if your Tivo is rebellious (like ours) and neglects to record the new episodes, they're available online at Fancast and Netflix - pretty immediately.

I could wax poetic about all of the incredible storylines that tie together, the need for in-depth exposition, and all that beautiful character development - see, there I go!

I could also gloat that Sylar/Gabriel was just a victim of circumstances, and I KNEW he wasn't a bad guy, deep down. As I insisted, all he needed was someone to love him. (He's no Sheldon Cooper, but he's nerdly enough.) I do like that they blur the lines of who is good and who is bad.

But when Suresh injected himself with the virus (or whatever it is), and his skin reacted JUST LIKE Jeff Goldblum's in The Fly, I called it. I also think they may have stolen some dialog from Jekyll & Hyde (the musical, not the book).

On the knitting front, I've finished 1 1/2 footprints from the Cat Bordhi class. But, I haven't taken those pictures yet, so I'll distract you with some spinning. I present, Hotel California:

As always, the Crown Mountain Superwash is a pleasure to spin. I've had some repetitive stress pain, so I've reduced my knitting load- but I'm trying to finish some long-term UFOs.

Not only because it's been a while since I've finished anything, but I'm trying to actualize the potential of all that proto-yarn and proto-clothing. Keeping an eye on the UFOs keeps me honest about my stash, and keeps me on the Social Pressure Experiment track.

Jaws 2, and childhood memories

I like to have the television on as background noise when I'm doing mindless work. The Tivo picked up Jaws 2, which I haven't seen in years.

As I'm watching out of the corner of my eye, the first scene where you see the shark (second attack, first shark sighting), and the gal is waterskiing? My mom used to have the same shirt and bandanna as the woman driving the boat.

The shirt is gone, but the bandanna? On my countertop.

Facial Fungus

When did grunge make it’s comeback? In the TV workplace, specifically. On half of the shows I watch, all of these professionals look like they’ve just rolled out of bed- and not in a sexy way. It’s more like an “I wonder what they look like clean-shaven” kind of way. (I suppose this is part of why I’m a Wilson gal, versus a House gal. For the record, I thought Hugh Laurie was positively adorable in Stuart Little.)

It’s one thing if they’re in the process of growing facial hair. I’ll allow scruffiness for the purpose of future well-groomed-beardedness. But otherwise? Just lazy looking. (I’m talking about you, Grey’s Anatomy.) And the moral equivalent of Facial Fungus.

Even in space [BSG], the guys manage to be clean shaven. The human race is moving towards extinction, and they can take a few minutes for morning ablutions.

I can only think of one actor who pulls off scruffiness. But he lives in the woods and fights The Man. You can’t expect someone who lives in the woods to keep clean-shaven. Be real.

Vicki Howell Signing

Mom, Cynthia, Erica and I (representing the available Minions) all trekked up to Full Thread Ahead to see Vicki Howell and her new line of yarns. We had dinner at a great sushi place up there, and then ambled over to the book-signing.

Now, keep in mind that Vicki's stuff isn't really my speed. I knit things that I consider "classic", and her stuff is just a little out there for me. I also don't like the linking of "punk" with "poorly constructed", or looking poorly constructed. Having said that, it's fairly obvious that I don't have her books.

I watch Knitty Gritty on Tivo, mostly for the guest hosts, and occasionally for the Knitsters. It was clear, from the first episode that I saw that I wasn't the targeted demographic, and Vicki confirmed that. That's cool, I found her more interesting in person than on-screen and incredibly personable.

Hollis is carrying the full line of her yarns, and there is one that I like (for the Swallowtail Shawl from the last IK), but not in a color that appeals for that project. I'm also sticking to le Budget for the time being- Andrew didn't work for two weeks, and I got tiny paychecks for two weeks. So, le Budget is being respected for future fun (like Stitches & Rhinebeck & the little Louet wheel).

(I'm dying to buy some Fleece Artist there, but Hollis has assured me that she will continue carrying both the sock and and Sea Silk, so I don't have to plunge us into debt right now and can wait. In theory.)

This weekend's temptations include TWO Super Bowl sales (GO BEARS!), one at Purlescence, where I will (maybe) pick up some of the new roving for Mom's Persian Carpet Yarn (doesn't feel like a carpet, but the colors are reminiscent of Persian Carpets). I'm torn between Cashmere & Merino or Cashmere & Silk. Maybe I'll do one ply of the mystery stuff, one ply of Cashmere & Merino and one ply of Cashmere & Silk. Maybe.

I'm going to do my best to be good at the FTA sale, but just for your personal information, I knitted both sweaters that I bought the yarn for at the same sale last year in UNDER a year. Boo-ya! I will be wearing the clean one on Sunday.

So, I say, bring on the temptation, and again, GO BEARS!


**Note to readers: There were photos taken at the signing, but they made Vicki look evil. Since she is not evil, they have been deleted for the purpose of fair and balanced representation.

Image & Vision

I love watching Beauty & the Geek. I think it's a great show (and an even better concept for those of us with nerd fetishes), but this season there is one guy (Mario) who makes me want to cry every time he opens his mouth.

Mario is on the heavyset side and is shorter than his Amazonian counterpart. He listens to his partner, and won the challenge where he listened to the nude model while he was drawing her. Instead of just ogling her goodies, he was the Nice Guy and paid some attention to what she was saying.

The most recent challenge was the "make over" part of the show. This is easy when all of the people are about the same size, and for the most part the guys are pretty much the same size range. Except for Mario.

It completely defeats the purpose of reinforcing that they are worthwhile, attractive and great people if you stick someone in a store where nothing fits them. All of the other guys had more options, and Mario ended up looking (and dressing) like John Belushi. (Or Jim. I don't remember which one Andrew said, but they're brothers, and I feel safe in saying "Eh, close enough.")

I've been lucky enough not to have real weight problems. Yes, I was underweight for a very long time, until I met Andrew. When I met Andrew I gained 40 pounds over the first three months of our relationship. (That is only about 10 pounds heavier than I am now.)

I liked how I looked (except for the crazy stretch marks from gaining weight so quickly- which are gone now), but it felt incredibly bad not being able to wear my regular clothes. I had to (essentially) buy a whole new wardrobe, which was fun- but not what I wanted to do.

I can say with a fair amount of certainty that everyone has had that "Oh, shit" moment where they realize that they can't zip or button their jeans. It just doesn't feel good, no matter how happy you are with the weight gain. (For me, the worst part of this was realizing that I only had sweats that would cover my butt until I bought some new jeans.)

I've never had body image issues (I know what I look like, and I like what I look like), but I try to be sensitive to other's body image issues, because I know that being confident is really the key to being an attractive person. (Good looks help, too, but confidence tricks people into not noticing.) How can you be confident if you walk into a store and there is nothing that fits you? This is a problem that the producers should have thought about and planned better.

Oh yeah, better planning. Can I say how pissed I am that it became Blondes vs Brunettes? Nevermind the fact that the brunettes were playing the "game" the way it is intended- getting to know their partners better, and that idiot Nadia told Andrea (one of the brunettes) that she was cooler because she wasn't "inside playing chess like a geek".

Hello?! That's the point of the game! To learn and grow! I have to say that I don't feel like any of the blondes are making the same kind of effort to get to know their partners as in past seasons. I think part of this is because of the sleeping arrangement (separate beds this season, shared beds in previous seasons). The guys are trying to learn and grow, but in the mansion they face EXACTLY the same problem with women that they have in the outside world.

I think Nadia's crack should have gotten her ejected from the game, but hey, I'm not Ashton Kutcher. I really fell like there needs to be some sort of correction/direction on the part of the appropriate people to get the female players back on track.

The other action that I took issue with was the assault on Scooter by the Anna Nicole looking girl and Ceci. (For anybody who hasn't seen it, the two women cornered him and tried to pressure him into engaging in non-consensual sexual activity. He politely tried to resist their advances, claiming that the camera in the room made him uncomfortable. One of the girls went to cover the camera, unsuccessfully, and fell on the floor. The noise brought other people into the room, which is when Scooter basically ran away, shaking.)

My issue is that the girls thought that this was funny, and it was portrayed as funny rather than assault. If you were to switch the genders of the people involved, there would be a lawsuit. However, because the assault was on a man, it isn't taken seriously and the girls weren't reprimanded.

Pfft.

Conspiracy Theory 546432157- Battlestar Galactica

Last night I was flipping through the Tivo and noticed that there were four episodes of Battlestar Galactica. My first thought was "I should watch those."

Why? I'm not a Battlestar Galactica fan. I couldn't really get into it.

Oh yeah, maybe the difference is that I had an AWESOME dream a while back about making out with Apollo. Somehow, the show has new appeal.

Which leads to Jasmin's Conspiracy Theory 546432157: Battlestar Galactica used the naked Apollo/Starbuck scene to hook people who aren't into the show. I mean, who can resist those man creases?