Tuesday, May 10, 2016

What, now?

Genevieve has discovered jokes, and humor. It's very funny listening to her trying to put together original jokes- particularly after she repeats a joke she's heard, and then does her own riff on it.

Yes, those are mitten clips holding up her "dress".

We're also working on explaining how "funny" works, and that being funny on purpose is actually really hard. (There was some real heartbreak when we talked about this.)

Like, for example, instead of making a fart noise, she says, "Fart!" and then laughs hysterically. (To be fair, I usually laugh, too.)

[Since our household is fancy and multilingual, sometimes she says "Fart!" in another language. We are truly a cultured bunch.]

Recently, we had a golden moment. A breakthrough. A conversation that proved that all my hard work and excellent parenting was coming to fruition.

Me: Guess what.
Genevieve: What?
Me: Chicken butt.
Genevieve: Fart.

My work here is done. 

Sunday, May 8, 2016

An Ode to Tired Mothers

Once upon a time, when KidBrotherSam was a little guy in diapers, my mother was tired. Exhausted. Positively knackered.

Obvious, right? It wasn't until I had Genevieve that I understood exactly what "tired" meant. (Even moreso since I have had Rex.)

It was first thing in the morning, and Mom had gotten up to brush her teeth. Instead of her toothpaste, she grabbed this:

(For childless readers, this is diaper rash cream. Not toothpaste.)
"Mom," I said.

"Yes, baby," she said.

"That's diaper cream," I said.

"Yes, baby," she said, continuing to put Desitin on her toothbrush.

It was obvious that she was on autopilot, even to my six-year old self, "Mom. Mom."

"Yes, baby. I heard you," she said, putting the Desitin-ed toothbrush in her mouth.

A horrified look, toothbrush out of her mouth, "This isn't toothpaste."

"That's what I TOLD you, Mommy," I said.

In retrospect, I imagine my part looked something more like this:

As an adult, I thought it was funny, because WHO KEEPS BUTT CREAM NEXT TO THEIR TOOTHPASTE?

Well. Funny story...

I would like to present an Apples & Trees ProductionTM** (the first of many, I'm assuming)

I present, my own Desitin toothpaste moment:

Genevieve was a baby. I had cut my hair short while I was pregnant, and spiked it using hair glue. This exact hair glue, in fact:

For your reference, I do keep my hair products on a shelf, next to...

... My toothpaste. Which looked this:

I'm sure you can guess what came next. I unscrewed the cap and started to squeeze the tube, and that was when I looked down and realized that it was hair glue I was applying to my toothbrush. It was in that moment, where I Understood, and I felt solidarity of a whole, new kind with my mom. And maybe also some real empathy, since You Can't Really Know Until You Know.

So, to all the tired mothers, Happy Mother's Day, from my family to yours. But most of all, to my own amazing mom.


... And keep the diaper cream FAR from your toothpaste.

(Just to be safe, you may want to have your coffee before you brush your teeth.)

**  Apples & Trees ProductionsTM, brought to you by Apples Who Do Not Fall Far From Their Trees